Many of us are people pleasers. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we often change our actions or undertake tasks that we would not normally do in order to keep others happy.
For those who feel as if this is holding them back, a psychologist has taken to TikTok to share her top tips for escaping this cycle.
Dr. Julie Smith, or just Dr. Julie as she’s known online, is a clinical psychologist who has more than a decade of professional experience.
She often shares advice – whether it be on social issues or mental health advice – with her impressive TikTok following of nearly five million people.
And one of her recent posts is all about people pleasersand how to overcome being one. So here’s everything you need to know…
According to Julie, the first thing people pleasers need to stop is concealing their own feelings. It’s not healthy to agree all the time, so don’t minimise your opinions out of fear.
The psychologist said: “Pleasing everyone isn’t kindness, it’s fear… Fear of conflict, rejection or being seen as difficult.”
If this is the case for you, remember that your intentions are not malicious and authenticity is important. Julie added: “True kindness includes being honest even when its uncomfortable.”
The second thing that Julie wants people pleasers to stop is ‘saying yes’ all the time. You may think it’s the right thing to do to attend every social occasion or obligation, but it can wear you down over time.
The expert explained: “Saying yes doesn’t build connection, it builds resentment. Healthy relationships include boundaries.”
Dr Julie’s third and final tip is about how always prioritising the needs of others over your own, which you should stop doing immediately.
Not only can this outcast you from your peers, it can also mean you are not advocating for yourself.
The psychologist explained: “The more you abandon your needs to keep others happy, the more invisible you become; even to yourself. Remember being a good person and standing up for yourself are not opposites.”
So to sum everything up – stop hiding your feelings, saying yes to everything and putting others first. They’re three simple rules to live by, but can really make all the difference to your life!
